Aries: You’ll discover that having an interesting hobby is easier than having an actual personality.

Taurus: Same mountain, same boulder. I’m sure you’ll make it this time.

Gemini: Your creative use of the truth will result in foreseeable unforeseen consequences, starting on Wednesday.

Cancer: As long as you are not happy, no one else will be. You’ll make sure of that.

Leo: Just your presence will brighten people’s day this week.

Virgo: If only there was a way to earn a living from being miserable…

Libra: You’ll find that a bag of chips you thought was empty actually had one last chip you hadn’t noticed before. That’s it. Libras don’t have that much going on in their lives.

Scorpio: A close friend will share an intimate secret with you. Make sure to remember it so that you can use it against them when the time is ripe.

Sagittarius: You’ll learn that “quirky” is really just a synonym for “annoying.”

Capricorn: You’ll discover that saying “There’s no way this will happen” works like a magic spell to ensure that this thing absolutely will happen.

Aquarius: Just pretending to listen to other people will be enough this week. They want reassurance, not your opinion.

Pisces: Something that is common knowledge to most people will appear as a major revelation to you this week.

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