You’ve just woken up in the morning, still feeling exhausted from last night’s gaming session, and all you want is a nutritious energy drink for breakfast, but the second you enter the kitchen, your mother starts complaining about your body odor, unnecessarily delaying your next gaming session by several minutes? Don’t we all know that feeling? Isn’t it cruel how society keeps oppressing gamers?

While the mainstream media has long been pushing the narrative that everyone needs to take at least one shower every day, one brave scientist has stood up to expose the truth that Big Shower (BS) doesn’t want you to know. Our reporters spoke to Dr. Norman Dankworth, head researcher at the Center for Research on Unwashed Skin Therapies (CRUST). His research reveals what every gamer always knew in his heart.

In our interview, he revealed: “Notions of personal hygiene have always been linked to tyranny and oppression throughout history. It’s a way for the elites of society to say ‘We are better than you, because we maintain arbitrary standards of personal cleanliness, that are impossible for you to achieve.’” In fact, if you carefully look at the past, you will find that there is a close link between showers and fascism.

In modern times, the face of the shower-tyrants may have changed, but their methods are still the same. They say that anyone who doesn’t shower daily is unworthy of basic rights like employment, intimacy, or a new PlayStation. Cleanliness is used to divide people into those who are ‘hygienic/superior’ and those who are ‘filthy/inferior’. Really scary stuff.

Just the other day, I made an eye-opening experience. I was on the bus, and I hadn’t showered in two weeks. As soon as I sat down, everyone around me got up and went to sit at the other end of the bus. I was really shocked by how brainwashed they were. In this moment I understood something: ‘Segregation never went away. It just goes by another name now, and with new victims.’

However, if you actually look at the research, you will find that a lot of this hygiene-hysteria is totally devoid of facts and logic. For example, I myself, haven’t showered in two months, but I’m just fine. And in the past, many people couldn’t afford to shower regularly at all. In fact, the shower was only invented about 100 years ago or so. And people before that were mostly fine. Of course, people still got sick at the time. But that’s just because medicine wasn’t as advanced back then as it is nowadays. But there’s no way it had anything to do with taking showers or things like that. It’s all just modern paranoia.”

After debunking the myth of showering, Dr. Dankworth hopes next to explore the benefits of a garlic-based diet in conjunction with heavy workouts and daily sauna sessions.

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