1. Let her cheat on you

The Old Testament decrees, “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”. What was true for the ancient Israelites is certainly true for your marriage too. After all, if you got to enjoy a secret passionate romance with your hot secretary, then it would be really hypocritical to deny your wife the thrill of a passionate affair with an attractive young lover. A steamy, romantic entanglement with another man is just the right thing that your wife’s heart needs to heal right now.

Our tip: For the sake of equality, only allow your wife to do the things with her lover that you also did with your lover. It would be pretty unfair if she ended up getting the better deal of the bargain. It’s best to make a list of all the things that you did with your lover (or lovers) and how often, so that she knows exactly where the boundaries are.

2. Murder your girlfriend and serve her severed head to your wife on a silver plate

Now that you got caught cheating, your wife is not sure whether she can trust you anymore or not. What if you still have feelings for your old flame? You need to show your wife that you’re serious about your relationship. It’s time to make a clean cut. A clean cut through your former girlfriend’s neck, slashing her spine, severing her head from her body, then presenting it to your wife on a silver plate. She’s gonna be swept off her feet by your romantic act of passion, and will instantly forgive you. After all, now there is nothing that will ever come between the two of you again.

Our tip: For extra-romance, decorate the silver plate with roses and scented candles. Also, make sure that there are no witnesses besides your wife.

3. Go to a couples’ therapist

An angry wife is like a broken car. Sure, you may think that you can fix it yourself. But sometimes we men have to swallow our pride and take it to a professional. A couples’ therapist is to an angry wife what a mechanic is to a broken car. A good couples’ therapist will have years of experience dealing with angry women and will know exactly what to tell your wife so that she will forgive you, no matter what you did. With the power of modern science, everything is possible.

Our tip: Generally, more expensive therapists are better at fixing your wife than cheaper ones. A smart husband will already start to put money aside for a good therapist while he’s still having an affair, in order to better shoulder the financial burden later.

4. Win the $10 Million Jackpot of the Powerball Lottery

Cheating isn’t just a matter of jealousy. It also destroys your partner’s trust in you. Are you really always gonna be there for her? Is everything really gonna be alright? Right now, your wife desires trust and stability. And what could be more stable and reliable than a 10 million dollar security blanket that will ensure financial independence and a luxurious lifestyle for the rest of your lives (together)? So what are you waiting for? Go buy 100 tickets right now. It’s gonna be just like in the movies. Fate is on your side.

5. Use hypnosis

“Look into my eyes and relax. When I snap my fingers, you will forget what you saw me do with your best friend on your birthday.”

Hypnosis really is a kind of secular magic. It can relax the mind, erase memories, control thoughts, and even grant superpowers. Just look directly into your wife’s eyes, tell her to relax in an authoritative voice, and then command her to forget everything she saw. Who could have thought that saving a relationship could be this easy?

So here you have it, five safe, effective, and proven ways to save your relationship after you got caught cheating. And do you know what the best part is? All of these methods can be used multiple times to regain your wife’s forgiveness after betraying her trust. So once she’s forgiven you, you can start cheating again right away. That way, you truly get the best of both worlds.

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