While most believers pray every day, not all find it very enjoyable. For many, it seems to be more of a chore than anything else. Not surprising, since it seems that many prayers go unanswered. In this new series, I’m going to share some of my secrets to get your prayers answered, so that you’ll never pray in vain again.

This week we’re focusing on bribes, one of the most basic strategies to get anything you want from God. We all know bribes. If something doesn’t go the way we like in real life, a few greens often help to make things go smoother and quicker. So why shouldn’t the same also be true when it comes to dealing with God? Of course, when we’re dealing with God, we can’t just rely on earthly cash. God is the ruler of the universe after all. And like all governments, if he needs more money, he can just create it himself.

However, the Biblical prophet Hosea offers us a clue as to what God actually wants when he writes:

For I desire mercy and not sacrifice,
And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.
[Hoseah 6:6 NKJV]

Well, isn’t that interesting. To speak in economic terms, we have just identified a demand. And the laws of the market teach that supply and demand determine the price. Since God is the greatest being in the universe, his demand must also be really large. It logically follows that if we want to get the best price, we must keep supply low.

In practice, this means to withhold as much mercy, love and knowledge as possible. Stop being nice to others, stop going to church, and generally act with as much selfishness as possible. By reducing the supply of mercy and acknowledgment of God, you strengthen your negotiation position and maximize the return on your piety. So, next time when you need to get a raise at work, you might pray something like this:

Oh Lord, my heavenly Father,

Bestow upon me what is fair,
A raise to ease my earthly care.

Five percent, no more, no less,
To grant my labor due success.

And when this gift You do bestow,
My faith and kindness both shall grow. 

Let’s make a deal, let’s make it so,
A raise for me, some gratitude I’ll show. 

Amen!

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